Return,The : Movie Review

Oh man. Days like this, I’m not getting a quote on a movie poster or a DVD cover any time soon. First off, I’d like to commend the marketing people who put together commercials and trailers for The Return. They did a fantastic job of making this movie appear to be The Grudge 3. To assure movie goers that this movie is honest to god, good old fashion American horror, they even went so far as to have Zelda Rubenstein (of Poltergeist fame) do a voice over for the primary commercial. Mind you, Zelda is no where in the film. Then there is this fantastic poster which practically drips with otherworldly goo. Killer art. Had I not just seen the film, I would have wanted one to hang up on the wall. The sad truth is that The Return is BARELY a horror movie at all with zero scares and one murder you are forced to relive in confusing "flash backs" so many times, you’ll phone up Joss Whedon and beg him to put "Buffy" back in action. The movie the commercials attempt to sell to you seems like the dream of the movie that actually is The Return.

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