For its first half or so, DRIVE ANGRY 3D is what it has promised to be – a wonderfully unstoppable and gloriously unhinged film, gunning straight for your throat (or balls, or eye sockets, or knees, or whatever really). It goes full throttle from the starting line, hitting the asphalt, kicking the tires, peeling rubber, some other car-related metaphor here, and looks to be the giddy and gory ride we’re willing to pay today’s high gas prices for. But just as suddenly as I am about to stop with the horrible and lazy car-related metaphors, DRIVE ANGRY suddenly dies out, losing its edge to…emotion? Ew.
Nicolas Cage is John Milton. No, no, not that John Milton, you silly lit majors, you! But kudos to Patrick Lussier and Todd Farmer for giving Cage such a veiled reference of a name. Paradise Lost! Big hit with the kids these days, real fun stuff. This John Milton isn’t just sitting around writing about Hell, he’s straight out of it. A badass who has busted out of the underworld to deal out some of his own punishments, Milton is back on Earth to avenge the death of his daughter and son-in-law by the crazy cult leader who has also stolen his baby granddaughter and is about to sacrifice her under the full moon. This will involve a lot of Milton driving angrily and snarling about things. He will also have to outrun the cops and a minion of the Devil sent to Earth to bring him back down under. Oh, but he does get to have a partner in crime that looks so good in cut-off shorts that it should be, you guessed it, a holy sin.
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